Like, if they say they love me, I say it back. I wonder if OP is in the military. I heard an interview recently with an Iraqi commander (it was on NYT's The Daily) where he said that he felt more like a family with his soldiers than with, y'know, his actual family. jm. My friend consoled me but didn't let me off the hook. Have you thought about phoning these people they deal with parents on the edge as well and can give you tips and emotional support 0808 800 22 22 parent line plus . If not, the feelings of exhaustion, irritation, and apathy tend to overshadow the love that's really there. I was struggling in my marriage and frustrated with the way life was going. I wondered if my upbringing may have set the bar too high. One of them keeps a list of the best things that happen each week, and I'm fairly regularly a feature of that. Not that I don't love my child - just that it gets lost in the day-to-day madness sometimes. Now George plays his: "I don't give a fuck that Auntie died." He knows he has no empathy, and he actively works on compensating for that with his intellect (he is a very smart man). The demand they place on you is again a product of your choices and continued adherence to whatever philosophy you choose to raise them upon. Who wouldn't? They probably never have been depressed. As Lilah grew healthy and robust, Sophie looked noticeably meek by comparison. What if the therapist doesn't find anything "wrong?". Her comment upset me but only confirmed my suspicions that Sophie might be on the autism spectrum. I watch her sometimes, looking for clues of the emotional scarring I fear I've inflicted, but I see none. There are many ways to be a mother. It's the most given of givens: Moms love their kids. Her greatest fear is being alone. But, there are times when it feels necessary to say, so a few times a month I say it. She's an extrovert, a fighter. She'd climb to the top of the slide and then cry to be rescued. She felt I wasn't attuned to Sophie's vulnerabilities — she's a sensitive soul; I'm a bull-in-a-china-shop type. First, know that you are not alone, and that these feelings are shared by others. Props to your mom for trying. This. They didn't ask to be born. I agree with Pussin - you do sound depressed. As long as I wanted her to be someone she could never be, I was setting her up to fail, in my eyes, every single day. My first reaction was relief — a diagnosis! I plopped down next to her and asked, "If you could get one thing on each page, what would it be?" From the early stages of pregnancy to when your teenagers are finally ready to leave the nest (even if they don't want to) we're here to help you through this crazy thing called parenting. I had a friend who had similar issues, but she was the child. Agreed. I would say, contrary to what some others have said, that it's important to be honest with your kids about your feelings. /r/Parenting is the place to discuss the ins and out as well as ups and downs of child-rearing. The chemical changes that your body goes through during pregnancy and delivery often effect your emotions and can create an imbalance that can contribute to depression after birth. That constant thought in my mind terrified me. I don't treat them badly. And I know Jenny is listening, because whenever Sophie has good news to share, a problem to solve, or a hurt to soothe, she goes looking for Mommy first. Though you may never fully bond with them, I'm sure they'll find a different level of appreciation for you as adults and you might feel the same way too. Like I have two kids but I don't see them as them holding me back (eventhough it's just hard in general to work and go to school ) I love them and wouldn't go back and nit have them. Posted Mar 02, 2018 I think so, but kids in general seem to me extremely selfish almost all of the time, and to me love is basically defined by selflessness. I’ve got 3 parenting tips for dealing with “I don’t love you!” I struggle with my mother-daughter relationship. Thankfully, if this is your problem, it … We have been married 18 years. ... You’ve been taught that all mothers love their children, would make any sacrifice for their child, including death, and yet for some reason you can’t love yours. Sadly, my efforts only made her feel more self-conscious and anxious. I was judging Sophie as usual, criticizing how she was painting with the stick part of the paintbrush instead of the bristles, when my friend turned to me and said point-blank: "You are Sophie's mother. In the first couple of years of their lives, I wasn't around a lot because of work, so I wonder if maybe I missed some important parental bonding hormones or something? You can choose to place your child for adoption with them, known as an identified adoption. The author's husband knows she says some harsh, even shocking things in this essay. A few days later, I found her poring over a Mini Boden catalog. 13 Answers. As many as there are different types of women. Then, when Sophie was 7, a stunning revelation rocked our family's world. Redbook participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. You're supposed to be her rock — the person she can count on most in the world for unconditional love and support. My mom never said it but they way she talks to me about my own kids makes me think she never wanted kids. Start over. If you are feeling depressed, it is happening while your adolescents are starting to move away from their parents. As you can probably imagine, I felt guilty that I was basically repelled by my own child. 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