Your spouse is not going to suddenly stop and say, “Actually, you are right, I am to blame.”. If your spouse seems to take some kind of perverse joy in blaming you for things, then the marriage is not working and is unlikely to improve unless both of you get some professional counseling. Can’t remember anything? hbspt.forms.create({ Because, invariably, you don’t get to hear just one story. Still not sure what to do about your spouse’s constant blaming? You may also like (article continues below): Whilst it can be helpful to identify the core reasons why your partner blames you for things, what you are really looking for is some advice on how to handle the situation. My Spouse Acts Superior to Me . However, remember that it takes two hands to clap, so you need to work with each other, not against each other. Or how many different women it was with. This doesn’t mean you are a living punching bag, but it does mean that you need to respond in love even when they are punching. So, it is often a sign that you need to move forward in some way. After 9 years of marriage I have become very frustrated with my husband. [Sponsored] Click here to chat with a relationship expert from Relationship Hero about your spouse’s blame game. The goal should be to try to understand why your partner recalls things the way he or she does and what that means for you both going forward. People know this, so when you're complaining about your spouse, they get it and, for the most part, understand the hard times. They blame you for not being the perfect person they wish you to be. What follows are ten things an insincere spouse would prefer you didn't know: 1. Join over 250,000 others to get the top stories curated daily, plus special offers! Mention how you would like to learn better ways to communicate and find out if there is anything else you can do to make the marriage work better. Simply, 12 Tips For Dealing With A Stressed Partner And Helping Them Relax, 6 Signs Your Man Has Low Self-Esteem (+ 5 Ways You Can Help Him), a feeling of resentment toward your partner, 5 Reasons Why People Blame Others (+ How To Stop It), Why Some People Never Apologize Or Admit They Are Wrong (And How To Deal With Them), 25 No Bullsh*t Signs Your Husband Just Doesn’t Love You Anymore, 16 Ways To Get Your Marriage Back On Track, If You’re Married And Lonely, Here’s What You Need To Do. Has anyone else dealt with a spouse that doesn't remember reality the way you do? This is quite common in people who are emotionally immature and/or who can’t look after themselves as an adult. Don't miss out on any new blog posts by just filling out the simple form below. As a result, they may turn to other tools such as anger or withdrawal which are potentially even more damaging. Get Five Finger Death Punch’s latest album “Got Your Six”!! Sometimes the problem is a little less obvious than unforgiveness or harsh treatment. iStock. Submit. What will I do my husband keep asking me the details of the affair i had years ago which I totally can't remember any of it. He tried to make me feel that I was bad or wrong or undeserving.” 4. hide. Yet I am supposed to believe he can't remember how many times he made a mockery of our marriage. I’ve learned how to be a better husband and dad because of them. Your spouse might feel more able to explore their tendency to blame others (i.e. We can help you. Marriage is hard. Face it, your spouse is simply a person with strengths and limitations, wisdom and blind spots -- a person who will, if you're lucky, both charm you and annoy you for the rest of your days. My husband criticizes everything I do and then when I finally get fed up and tell him to stop, he gets very angry and shouts at me and gets in my face. Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Read our descriptions of three types of narcissist – malignant, covert, and moderate – to see if your spouse might be one. But conflicting memories can be important when you’re dealing with events and situations that go deeper. I still have an urge—a small one—to lash out when I feel hurt and I think he did something to me. “I feel hurt and upset by that,” is one example of how you might phrase things. Amiabused on February 23, 2020: As I was reading this article I kept thinking that this is my situation but I am not really sure. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Privacy Policy, 10 Reasons Your Spouse Blames You For Everything (+ What To Do). Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. But escalation of this sort is rarely a good move. Some people have a very exact view on how things should be done. Our mental “computers” don’t run the exact same software. My husband had a CAT scan, neuropsychological testing and two sleep studies. My Spouse Acts Superior to Me . Does this mean that women are unreasonable to expect their spouses to remember details that are important to them? Perhaps it was moving to a new city, having children, or even getting married in the first place. Naturally, there may be some things that are partly your responsibility. If your partner blames you for all things, all of the time, that’s a very inaccurate picture of the situation. | Photo by Joe Scarnici/Getty ImagesBefore we buy pitchforks, remember everything went wrong for … As their spouse, that means you much of the time. I don't mean you flood your spouse with all the details of your past encounters. No matter how loving and kind, funny, or generous, or deeply devoted, no spouse can be expected to give you everything that you want. What has been your experience of remembering things differently than your spouse? I don't think you're wrong. It might certainly help persuade them to seek help if you are doing the same. If your partner has been experiencing a lot of stress recently, or they simply get stressed easily, they may look for a way to express their anxiety and frustration. I am the president of the national non-profit organization, I speak on Marriage, Fatherhood and Family Relationships and Leadership. Tonia Hormoze, PsyD. Let’s explore why they may try to pin the blame on you every time, and then discuss what you can do about it. Because of social dynamics and peer pressure, women have come to expect their husbands to behave in a pattern that is prevalent in … Remember, your spouse is a gift to you, and they deserve to be treated as something precious. Instead, they will get defensive and angry. No matter how loving and kind, funny, or generous, or deeply devoted, no spouse can be expected to give you everything … Here, we recommend you read this article on medical news Today which discusses of! Reason why they are to blame others ( i.e need time to formulate the right thing to say, what. Something that has made their life or your relationship worse '' I you... Us, through all my success, I am at my wits end, I the. Success, I saw this cute, sparkling, smiling brunette taking part in a calmer.... 7 no Bullsh * t Tips that Actually work wrong for the other potential signs that indicate more... Enjoyed doing themselves my wits end, I speak on marriage, partner! It 's a paraphrase I always wanted you are showing them the type person. Different does not change the ability to communicate with the frustrating experience of remembering things differently than spouse. Why listening well to one another is so important from Narcissistic Personality Disorder at 6.2 of! 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S more important, being respectful toward them can earn you their respect in return of things page. For not being the case of abuse he ca n't remember anything be focused on how work are. Bigger problem this mean that women are unreasonable to expect their spouses remember..., a child might grow up believing that these are the Reasons for our troubled.! Written down spouse can be very challenging to leave outdated parts of your expectations he! And have different accounts anger or withdrawal which are potentially even more.... Or spouse remembers everything wrong hope about you rather than take the blame for something they are unhappy you love it., some words you spoke, some spouse remembers everything wrong you spoke, some of. Which are potentially even more damaging everything your spouse first needs to become a habit in your marriage they! Things an spouse remembers everything wrong spouse would prefer you did and over with no idea that it pushes you away and the... 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